


Mrs Dowling

by JewelOfForest



Series: The life of Lockie [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Brief child abuse hinted at, Gen, Harriet Dowling tried, Harriet struggles after lockie born, Motherhood, Post birth depression may accidentally be done by me, The kind of too much expectations mess up a kid abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28702278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JewelOfForest/pseuds/JewelOfForest
Summary: How Harriet Dowling could not live up to expectations
Relationships: Harriet Dowling/Thaddeus J. Dowling
Series: The life of Lockie [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1962673





	Mrs Dowling

Harriet had a life before her husband, before she became Mrs Dowling. It wasnt important however, not to her husband and it was not meant to be for her. Her parents were rich and doted on her, while teaching her what was important. Married not just a rich man, but an important one. Always look your best, and have children before you're too old. 

She couldnt do much better than a politician, especially when that was raising through the ranks as quickly as Thaddeus was. She never really expected love but she thought she got it when she met him. He was so charming, and attentive when they first met. True, he was also older but she liked that. She wanted someone secure in their career, who would please her parents and love her. Thaddeus seems to hit all the right marks.

Soon enough they were engaged, and she supported him through important dinners, winning over the other politicians wives and using what she learn to help Thaddeus. She still got to see her friends and have fun, then return home to a fiance that loved her. It didn't take them too long to get married after they were engaged however. Harriet couldnt of been happier in that moment, expecting things only to get better how she had a husband that loved her and pleased her parents.

Things starts to go downhill not too long after. Thaddeus suddenly working hours more. With promises it get him that much closer to the president and all the honours that come with that position would only benefit them both. So Harriet Dowling grinned and bared it. It was all she could do. Until she found out she pregnant and Thaddeus was back to being around. She felt loved again and happy but she couldnt help wondering how long he would last.

It barely a few weeks, then he running off again to work long hours, and she had to deal alone. Harriet had never thought about being a mother, she always knew she had to be one eventually. However, she couldnt ignore the thoughts of how she didnt want this, that she no longer felt happy about now that Thaddeus wasnt here. The only thing he had said about it was that she was to give birth in a little church in England. He was far to busy for her and the child growing inside her. The one she was feeling unhappy about without him. Perhaps she was never happy about, she was just happy to be having some love and attention from Thaddues again.

The birth of their child came and went with her being alone in england. Even over video call Thaddeus couldnt be there for her, just came back in time to find out he had a son. He left her to deal with it alone and in that moment she realised her love would never come back to her. Not even after she gave him a child. A child she did not want, and as she held their son on her chest, harriet felt no bound to this child, no love. It was nothing like she was told. She knew she should of felt love and feeling to being able to do anything if it was for her child. But harriet felt nothing. For the first time in her life, she felt broken. She knew she wasnt a good mother, that she had failed on what was expected of her. No one could know this, so she force herself into a happy smile and pretend she loved her child. Named him warlock after one of the nun's suggested it. She acted hiw a good mother should until she was alone again.

For three weeks Harriet cared for Warlock alone. She thought Thaddeus would of hired a nanny to help out with him. She thought she still be able to go out with friends and to important dinners with Thaddeus but no. She was expected to stay home and care for their son alone. She hated it. There was never a break, and the love she waited on to come never did. She thought maybe I could loved if I could have a break. If I didnt have to spend ever moment with him. 

Harriet was scared of what she might do if she didnt get a break. Thought creep in of how much easier it be without him, and she knew she should get help but the irrational part of her wouldn't let her. She could not let anyone see she wasnt living up to her role perfectly. No one could know she was not a good mother. It that way she was still the little girl, loved by her parents but had too much expectation put on her too young. They made her into a person who could not get help when struggling as she was never meant to struggle. 

It was a relief when the next week a nanny had turned up and Thaddeus agreed to hire her. Harriet thought maybe now I can love my son. The nanny will look after him and I will get to do what I love. Then I can love my son. 

Unfortunately for all her hopefully thinking and for all her wanting to love her child, she never really could. Harriet Dowling was expected to be a mother and to be a good one. All her life she was expected to never struggle or be less than perfect. In the end that what doomed her chance with her child. If she had just gotten help from a doctor then maybe she could of got to love and connect with her child. Instead she saw a child grow in brief moments and she could not reach them, no matter how she tried.


End file.
